Chuck Norris Jokes Are Still Funny

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.