For a while now I've been dominated by looking at all the things NEGATIVE. My mistakes, my bad luck (between getting major motivational let downs in business and getting sick and bothered by family), my problems. That's all I've been thinking about for a while, and that perspective has truly paralyzed me.
Recently I've actually identified with being a deranged loser, someone who tends to go crazy and lose sense of reality, who does wrong, who disappoints, hurts others, hurts himself, is selfish and distant, a bad influence on the world.
Today I've had to face this perspective, and get the FACTS sorted out.
In facing the facts, I've come to realize my current self-image, and my current perspectives on my business, are ACTUALLY wrong, and the perspective is what's haulting my progress in my business and my own self-development.
A more accurate perspective on myself is that of a flawed hero. I am one of the few truly good people: I encourage others, right wrongs, make people feel good and see the right things in life, I help people see their positives that they lose perspective in. I am a greatly loving son, which by itself negates the view that I'm a disappointing failure, I am a greatly generous friend, and people see me as a good force in their lives, which is why old friends seek me out and very few have pushed me away, whereas I'm usually the one that pushes others away. The reason is that I am liked because I am good.
I have made many mistakes, and I've put myself into a much worse position that could have been, and I've been very unlucky of late and of broken spirit. But there's no reason to let this sink me when there's so much opportunity and promise surrounding me, as I've also ascended myself to a great position in life.
The truth is that I will probably get a job soon, but that it cannot stop me, and that I will disappoint my family soon by refusing to go through college, but it's my life and their negative feelings are caused by their high expectations and their own perspectives, it's not my fault for living my life the way I want to.
The fact of the matter is that I am in a position that many would kill to be in. Even my neighbors envy me. The facts are...
-I have a profitable business that's a ripe fruit, all it needs is traffic, which is limitless in a world that has a 10% rate of serious insomnia, in an Internet that is doubling in size every 2 years.
-Even with a job, I won't be working 20% as normal like expected, I will maintain work at 40 - 60% of my normal rate, which will mean quick growth of my business now that I can focus nearly purely on traffic. This is due to a schedule keeping me on course and the fact that it's easier to get myself to work like that, as well as the next fact...
-I have taken my good circumstances in life and truly ascended myself. I have actually gotten myself to work consistently, for months at a time, at 50 hours per week, WITHOUT ANYONE MAKING ME DO IT. I managed this consistency by myself, I did it WITHOUT PAY, I can get myself to overcome incredibly daunting obstacles that stop ANYONE ELSE I KNOW. It took years to achieve this, major training and self-help growth, it took putting into practice some of the best training in existance for improving myself, but I did it, and I overcame obsticles that I didn't think possible to overcome, and then I LAUGHED at it, and took it to even higher levels of achievement. That is FACT -- it's not an opinion -- it's what actually happened, time and time again. So many times and so many obsticles, I can't even count them any more if I tried my hardest to do so for days, I'd never count them all.
-My future, my happiness now, and the way I affect the happiness of those around me is determined more by my attitude and actions than anything. If I go forward determined, happy, and full of awesome perspectives, my family won't worry so much knowing that I am enjoying my circumstances and that I am happy, my friends will seek my presence, and I will again overcome my obsticles and laugh at the circumstances. I will also see that with a job comes social opportunity, consistency with which to strengthen my work ethic (getting myself to work 1-2 hours after work is easy compared to getting myself to work 10 hours a day with NOTHING to keep myself on track), and a steady paycheck that will eliminate most of the feelings of chaos that de-motivate me the most.
-My mistakes of the past have always been amplified by 2 main factors: inexperience and weed. The fact is, I'm experienced now and will continue to grow ever larger as I have for years. The fact is, I've been doing better than ever to quit weed, and I have the best shot ever at going the longest I've ever gone without it, as I've already gone over 2 months and continue to refuse it despite depression and failure to achieve almost any work for weeks, showing true resolve to rid it from my life permanently for at least 1.5 years.
The facts, the reality, the true nature things reflect a good, grounded, sane, measured person who has made mistakes, but also has more potential than ever. Someone who isn't delusional, but instead is actually making solid choices and will undoubtedly succeed if keeping strong to their path. The facts say that my self image as a loser is wrong. The facts say the accurate image would be one of a flawed hero. Someone who took their circumstances and built a life with promise and ripe with opportunity.
College isn't necessary when knowledge of how to make profitable websites has proven itself fruitful, and I intend to take everyone's ideas that this is untrue and prove them wrong.
I'd say there's a good 50% chance that I'll be finally free and able to quit any job I get before 2013. And if it all goes wrong and I hit the wrong side of that coin flip, 2013 - 2014 will see my odds rise to 75%. I can't prove it, but I believe that too is a FACT.
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