(You'll want to zoom in / shrink the window size for this...)
Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprinkle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!”. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Ma'am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.” And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob. I'm not really HIV Positive, but that little shit must've gotten in a fuckheap of trouble.
May 23, 2010
May 19, 2010
The Coolest Thing You May Ever See
Okay, this IS the coolest thing I've ever sent my "inner circle" email list.
If you haven't heard about this, you have to watch this video. Seriously.
Possibly within the next 10 years... you won't have to wear a watch, you'll instantly know which brand of any product is best for you just by looking at each product, ...
you WON'T EVEN have to take your phone out of your pocket to use it to make calls,
send text messages,
surf the internet,
watch videos, etc (you'll be able to project all of this stuff - even the dial pad for your cell phone - onto the wall in front of you and simply click on the wall)
Anything you can do with your computer or cell phone is essentially becoming a screen-less sixth sense...
...I'm totally blown away. When this evolves into it's prime, it's going to turn the Kindle and iPad (and maybe even the cell phone and PC) into outdated technology. And it's not going to be expensive... and it's already here and convenient.
People actually stand up to applaud the genius behind this at the end of the video.
...I can't wait!
James
If you haven't heard about this, you have to watch this video. Seriously.
Possibly within the next 10 years... you won't have to wear a watch, you'll instantly know which brand of any product is best for you just by looking at each product, ...
you WON'T EVEN have to take your phone out of your pocket to use it to make calls,
send text messages,
surf the internet,
watch videos, etc (you'll be able to project all of this stuff - even the dial pad for your cell phone - onto the wall in front of you and simply click on the wall)
Anything you can do with your computer or cell phone is essentially becoming a screen-less sixth sense...
...I'm totally blown away. When this evolves into it's prime, it's going to turn the Kindle and iPad (and maybe even the cell phone and PC) into outdated technology. And it's not going to be expensive... and it's already here and convenient.
People actually stand up to applaud the genius behind this at the end of the video.
...I can't wait!
James
May 11, 2010
I Fuck With a Biased Critic & Learn a Valuable Lesson
First you gotta see the video that inspired this prank:
First of all, props to Quentin. Seeing this really helped make up for the false advertising he pulled on me when he named his Anne Frank movie "Inglorious Bastards" ("hey, sorry I'm 10 minutes late to the movie man... *2 hours later*... wait... where the HELL were the inglorious bastards? I could've SWORE I saw like 5 commercials of nothing but nazi killing hardasses!?"... "dude, this is why you don't show up 10 minutes late to the movies you asshat.")
So, being in a not so postive, not so productive place at the moment, I decided to pull a prank on Jan Wahl, the retarded hat lady. To be honest, I just really wanted to show her how her "soulfulness" made me feel.
THE PRANK--- It's time to take a shot at a critic...
Jan Wahl has a nice website up where you can book her for one of her lectures. As seen by the video above, she seems to care a lot about spreading the anti-violence message, so I decided if I set my approach right and asked her to supplement one of her lectures with some anti-violence material for students, she'd take me seriously enough to read my embedded, personal message to her.
Pretending to be Jason Perry from San Francisco School District's KALW-FM radio station, I sent the request on her website.
A very professional booking in the first couple of paragraphs, I proceed to point out that this is not a usual request, as we are supplementing it with an anti-violence message.
That's where it gets exciting. Pulling from her need to help inform parents about violence, I ask her if she'd be willing to participate in this fantastic opportunity and critique how her lecture on Critical Thinking of Movies and Television relates to the affects of media violence on society.
I explain that I need to know from Jan herself if this will work and proceed to provide a long article found on the internet that she'll no doubt get wet reading.
Except, in the middle of the article, out of FUCKING NO WHERE it says,
"Yata yata yata...jan is arrogant, obnoxious, and so clearly biased that no one can take her seriously. She does damage to the anti-violence community's message and if she doesn't believe that, she should take a look at herself in the now viral youtube video of her bashing quentin."
=D.
Trust me, this was WELL PULLED... and I've got experience with this kind of prank. I'd say there's roughly an 90%+ chance that she read the article with my embed in it, as it's (A) a job and (B) too long for a webmaster to read, plus it said that I needed HER opinion over whether the job would work for her. So even if she had a secretary (unlikely), and the secretary read the first couple of paragraphs, it's very unlikely the secretary would have read the whole boring article before giving it to her... and even if she skimmed through it, she would have missed my embedded message as it was smack in the middle of pure boredom with nothing (not even capitol letters) to call attention to itself.
Wish I copy and pasted before hitting the submit button, lol. I made a fake email with forwarding to myself, so if any follow up messages come I'll be getting them.
Sigh... what a waste of time (>.<)... but it feels nice to take a shot at her for this. She's not gonna be happy that the article was, in fact, a prank and a major waste of time. ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- Jan responds!
First of all, props to Quentin. Seeing this really helped make up for the false advertising he pulled on me when he named his Anne Frank movie "Inglorious Bastards" ("hey, sorry I'm 10 minutes late to the movie man... *2 hours later*... wait... where the HELL were the inglorious bastards? I could've SWORE I saw like 5 commercials of nothing but nazi killing hardasses!?"... "dude, this is why you don't show up 10 minutes late to the movies you asshat.")
So, being in a not so postive, not so productive place at the moment, I decided to pull a prank on Jan Wahl, the retarded hat lady. To be honest, I just really wanted to show her how her "soulfulness" made me feel.
THE PRANK--- It's time to take a shot at a critic...
Jan Wahl has a nice website up where you can book her for one of her lectures. As seen by the video above, she seems to care a lot about spreading the anti-violence message, so I decided if I set my approach right and asked her to supplement one of her lectures with some anti-violence material for students, she'd take me seriously enough to read my embedded, personal message to her.
Pretending to be Jason Perry from San Francisco School District's KALW-FM radio station, I sent the request on her website.
A very professional booking in the first couple of paragraphs, I proceed to point out that this is not a usual request, as we are supplementing it with an anti-violence message.
That's where it gets exciting. Pulling from her need to help inform parents about violence, I ask her if she'd be willing to participate in this fantastic opportunity and critique how her lecture on Critical Thinking of Movies and Television relates to the affects of media violence on society.
I explain that I need to know from Jan herself if this will work and proceed to provide a long article found on the internet that she'll no doubt get wet reading.
Except, in the middle of the article, out of FUCKING NO WHERE it says,
"Yata yata yata...jan is arrogant, obnoxious, and so clearly biased that no one can take her seriously. She does damage to the anti-violence community's message and if she doesn't believe that, she should take a look at herself in the now viral youtube video of her bashing quentin."
=D.
Trust me, this was WELL PULLED... and I've got experience with this kind of prank. I'd say there's roughly an 90%+ chance that she read the article with my embed in it, as it's (A) a job and (B) too long for a webmaster to read, plus it said that I needed HER opinion over whether the job would work for her. So even if she had a secretary (unlikely), and the secretary read the first couple of paragraphs, it's very unlikely the secretary would have read the whole boring article before giving it to her... and even if she skimmed through it, she would have missed my embedded message as it was smack in the middle of pure boredom with nothing (not even capitol letters) to call attention to itself.
Wish I copy and pasted before hitting the submit button, lol. I made a fake email with forwarding to myself, so if any follow up messages come I'll be getting them.
Sigh... what a waste of time (>.<)... but it feels nice to take a shot at her for this. She's not gonna be happy that the article was, in fact, a prank and a major waste of time. ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- Jan responds!
| show details 7:11 AM (9 hours ago) |
"Hi Jason..Great to hear from you. Is there a phone number where I can call you and we can have a brief chat about this? Thank you!"
Well, now I'm thinking she either hasn't read it, or wants to see if I got the balls to talk about it to her face.
So there's three approaches I can take:
1. Tell her what a fat bitch she is over the phone, personally. Hey, I've stood up to people before and put my foot down, but doing so here wouldn't be very funny since I can't record it, and I've already wasted enough energy on this prank as it is.
2. Actually give her a number of someone over at the school district. I've actually got some numbers ready on hand. She'd have a super confusing conversation, and then probably go back and read my full comment. Buut that feels kind of illegal... and I can't just waste the time of innocent bistanders, now can I? Oh yeah, and I can't record that, either.
3. Make sure she read my embedded comment by replying to her email with a link to the youtube video and my embedded comment included. Since she has PERSONALLY EMAILED MY FAKE ADDRESS, I know it'll get through to her this time.
So, option #3 it is. I don't feel super happy about picking on her... but she's asking for it... and if she happens to reply at all, I'm sure lulz will ensue.
Let's see if we can piss off a biased critic.
"Hi Jan,
Thanks for your prompt response to my comment.
This is a youtube video of you in an interview that has accumulated over 1 MILLION views on youtube. You've probably already seen it, but here it is if you haven't watched it yet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2ukSJFgCM
In this video, you are arrogant, obnoxious, and so clearly biased that no one can take you seriously. You do damage to the anti-violence community's message. And I agree with whoever posted the video when they say, "Quentin simply destroys you."
Thank-you for considering my message,
The Real Jason Perry"
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She responds... and KILLS IT. Yes... she completely, utterly pwned the lulz. But I gotta post it, cuz there's a REALLY VALUABLE lesson (just so valuable since I'll be using this from now on)...
| show details 4:49 PM (1 hour ago) |
Jason..This was done many, many years ago. I hope in your life you never have such a terrible thing happen to you. This has caused me danger and heartbreak I hope you never know. So the entire school project thing was bogus?
So I apologized briefly, letting her know I felt bad, though I'm not gonna sit here and cry about it. You just don't fuck up on TV like that, and she's paying the price.
But I will walk away with a valuable lesson.
If a video has over 100,000 - 1,000,000 + views, /b/ has already unleashed it's wrath. (100K - 1M = the amount of views required for a production youtube video to be considered a "success" by the producing studio.)
This means several things.
-No need to post to /b/ at all if X is within that view count.
-No need to harass anyone who's within that view count... they are paying for it drastically.
-In general, anything popular or over 10,000 views (99.9% of everything you see) should just be left alone.
-Harassing other human beings... even if they deserve it... sucks. It's no better than complaining about shit and justifying your complaints... you'll just feel a lot worse afterwards even if you're right.
See what I'm sayin'? I DONT feel like I'm really in the wrong here... she WAS asking for it on public TV. I DO feel like this was stupid, lame, and a mistake. The only real reason that this wasn't a waste of my time, is that spending my time was worth the lessons it yielded.
I doubt she can say the same, that the price was worth the lesson. Now I feel bad for her.
A Metacritic > A Movie Critic
"...I believe that the era of the movie critic is over. Sites like Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes are the best way to get a quick numerical rating without falling victim the indulgences of purposefully contrarian or idiocynratic reviewers such as Mick LaSalle or Jan Wahl. Going to the theatre is an increasingly expensive and cumbersome process and people are less willing to gamble their time and money based on the whims of a single reviewer..."
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